11 years ago
Friday, November 21, 2008
MGA PILOSOPIYA NI BOB ONG SA PAG-IBIG
1. “Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya…”
2. “Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba.”
3. “Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang.”
4. “Huwag na huwag kang hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na.”
5. “Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ang sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan ayaw mo lang pansinin.”
6. “Kung maghihintay ka lang nang lalandi sayo, walang magyayari sa buhay mo… dapat lumandi ka din.”
7. “Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang.”
8. “Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa.”
9. “Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka… kaya quits lang.”
10. “Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una.”
11.“Hindi porke’t madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa.”
12. “Huwag magmadali sa lalaki o babae. Tatlo, lima , sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang sa maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totoong mas maganda ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.”
13. “Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa ring maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority.”
14. “Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hind ikaw ang yung bida sa script na pinili nya.”
15. “Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap muli ang taong tinalikuran mo.”
16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa sa isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala.”
17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohanan at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan.”
18. “Kung nagmahal ka ng taong hindi dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin!
Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organ mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay. Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!.”
19. “Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal nakakatakot mahulog… at pag nahulog ka, it’s either by accident or talagang tanga ka…” -
TOINK!
Sunday, October 05, 2008
When God Makes Up His Mind
There are two possible explanations for what happened in Swan Quarter, North Carolina, in 1876. It was either the most astounding coincidence, or an act of God -- literally. The Methodist Episcopal Church South needed a new building, so when somebody donated a lot on Oyster Creek Road they accepted. It was low-lying land so they constructed a sturdy little white-frame church and put it up on brick pilings. Days later a storm lashed the town and those within sight of Oyster Creek Road witnessed something amazing. The church building -- still intact -- was afloat! The flood had lifted it off its pilings and sent it down the road. They tried to moor it with ropes but the church moved on. At the town center, as dozens of people watched helplessly, it made a sharp, inexplicable right turn and continued on. Finally, in the same decisive manner it veered off the road, it headed straight for a vacant lot and stopped dead in the center! The flood waters eventually receded but the building is still there. In fact, 130 years have passed since the church, now called Providence Methodist Church, floated itself to the most desirable property in town. What's amazing is this: The lot where it settled had originally been the congregation's first choice for their building, but landowner Sam Sadler turned them down. The morning after the flood, he presented the pastor with the deed.
"For I am the Lord. I speak, and the Word which I speak will come to pass." No doubt about it; when God makes up His mind, nothing gets in His way! ---- Ezekiel 12:25
"For I am the Lord. I speak, and the Word which I speak will come to pass." No doubt about it; when God makes up His mind, nothing gets in His way! ---- Ezekiel 12:25
I Think You Should Read This
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.
My confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn 't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrati ng this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a crïeche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an=2 0 expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
My confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.
It doesn 't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrati ng this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a crïeche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an=2 0 expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing yet?
Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Spielberg
This is a "BEST JOKE" award winner in the UK
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here." The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here." The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
Monday, May 07, 2007
Subject: The Philippine Senator
While walking down the street one day, a powerful senator of thePhilippines is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives inheaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems thereis a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, sowe're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in." says the senator.
"Well, I'd like to but I have ordersfrom higher-up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one inHeaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts thesenator to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friendsand other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They runto greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had whilegetting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golfand then dine on lobster and caviar.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a goodtime dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that,before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the doorreopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven."
So 24 hours passwith the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and before herealizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then,you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity." He reflects for a minute, then the answers: "Well, would neverhave thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would bebetter off in Hell."
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of abarren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends,dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. TheDevil comes over to the senator and lays an arm on his neck."
I don't understand," stammers the senator. Yesterday I was here and therewas a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friendslook miserable. The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we werecampaigning. Today you voted for us!"
VOTE WISELY!!!!
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems thereis a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, sowe're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in." says the senator.
"Well, I'd like to but I have ordersfrom higher-up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one inHeaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts thesenator to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friendsand other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They runto greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had whilegetting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golfand then dine on lobster and caviar.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a goodtime dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that,before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the doorreopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven."
So 24 hours passwith the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and before herealizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then,you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity." He reflects for a minute, then the answers: "Well, would neverhave thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would bebetter off in Hell."
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of abarren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends,dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. TheDevil comes over to the senator and lays an arm on his neck."
I don't understand," stammers the senator. Yesterday I was here and therewas a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friendslook miserable. The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we werecampaigning. Today you voted for us!"
VOTE WISELY!!!!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
another escape by my chunkee giants...
tonight i was watching the knockout game between sta. lucia and the chunkee giants. the realtors had a very fast start running away with their highest lead of 17 points at the midway point of the second quarter. i was really perspiring while watching the giants struggle in the first half. they had a bit of a spurt there cutting down the lead of sta. lucia to 12 points at the end of the second period.
while waiting for the second half to start i went on for a quick dinner so as not to miss a lot of the action, of course i was also praying for a big giants comeback. as i finished up eating i immediately rushed up to my tv set and was surprised that the realtor's lead was already down to just 4 points. at this point i was very confident that the giants will coast through a big win. and speaking like a true basketball expert my giants went on to demolish the realtors and won by 15 points. unbelievable?... believe it!
and so this chapter ends and the giants will go on and face the phone pals in the quarterfinals. i am just hoping that they will go on and land in the finals to defend their championship. this happens it will only be the first time in 21 years that the all filipino championship will be defended... GO CHUNKEE GIANTS!!!
while waiting for the second half to start i went on for a quick dinner so as not to miss a lot of the action, of course i was also praying for a big giants comeback. as i finished up eating i immediately rushed up to my tv set and was surprised that the realtor's lead was already down to just 4 points. at this point i was very confident that the giants will coast through a big win. and speaking like a true basketball expert my giants went on to demolish the realtors and won by 15 points. unbelievable?... believe it!
and so this chapter ends and the giants will go on and face the phone pals in the quarterfinals. i am just hoping that they will go on and land in the finals to defend their championship. this happens it will only be the first time in 21 years that the all filipino championship will be defended... GO CHUNKEE GIANTS!!!
Friday, December 29, 2006
i would do this for her...
1-touch her waist
2-talk to her
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss her slowly
6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when you're with your friends keep reading...
11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more,deny it. fight back
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cantget to her friends. it makes her feel loved Are you thinking about someone?
16-always hug her and say i love you when you see her
17-kiss her unexpectedly
18-***HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST!!!***!
19-tell her shes beautiful not sexy!
20-tell her the way you feel about her!
20-u need to show her you mean it too
21-kiss her on the lips
22-DON'T ask her to buy you stuff. you buy her stuff
23-TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD
24-make her feel loved
25-buy her small things that can help make her feel special.
26-DON'T LIE TO HER.
27-DON'T CHEAT ON HER.
28-take her anywhere she wants
29-txt message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school/work, and how much you miss her
30-be there for her whenever she needs you, & even when she doesn'tneed you, just be there so she'll knowthat she can always count on you
31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose;(it will give her the hint that you want to kiss them).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her remember this next time you are with her
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible
41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night
44. Dedicate a song to her.
45. Always Remind her how much youlove her. youll never know when she needs just a lil more love.
2-talk to her
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss her slowly
6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when you're with your friends keep reading...
11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more,deny it. fight back
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cantget to her friends. it makes her feel loved Are you thinking about someone?
16-always hug her and say i love you when you see her
17-kiss her unexpectedly
18-***HUG HER FROM BEHIND AROUND THE WAIST!!!***!
19-tell her shes beautiful not sexy!
20-tell her the way you feel about her!
20-u need to show her you mean it too
21-kiss her on the lips
22-DON'T ask her to buy you stuff. you buy her stuff
23-TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD
24-make her feel loved
25-buy her small things that can help make her feel special.
26-DON'T LIE TO HER.
27-DON'T CHEAT ON HER.
28-take her anywhere she wants
29-txt message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school/work, and how much you miss her
30-be there for her whenever she needs you, & even when she doesn'tneed you, just be there so she'll knowthat she can always count on you
31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose;(it will give her the hint that you want to kiss them).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her remember this next time you are with her
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible
41. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night
44. Dedicate a song to her.
45. Always Remind her how much youlove her. youll never know when she needs just a lil more love.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
A Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart
An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. .. An American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian."Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed." He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his
reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.
Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, " Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing known is Diarrhea."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"O I can expleyn serrr ." said Eleuterio . " YOU SEE SERR, DA other day I wasn't Peeeling so good and I run soo fast to the CR or bathroom, But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, ay 'tang ina, I already had a poo-poo in my pants.
Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.
FIlipino humor is hard to beat!
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"
Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian."Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed." He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his
reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.
Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, " Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing known is Diarrhea."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"O I can expleyn serrr ." said Eleuterio . " YOU SEE SERR, DA other day I wasn't Peeeling so good and I run soo fast to the CR or bathroom, But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, ay 'tang ina, I already had a poo-poo in my pants.
Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.
FIlipino humor is hard to beat!
Fun Facts!!!
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex
by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the...?!")
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something
I always wanted to know.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot
longer)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
(Hardly seems worth it.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex
by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the...?!")
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something
I always wanted to know.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot
longer)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
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