Spielberg

This is a "BEST JOKE" award winner in the UK

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here." The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Subject: The Philippine Senator

While walking down the street one day, a powerful senator of thePhilippines is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives inheaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems thereis a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, sowe're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." says the senator.

"Well, I'd like to but I have ordersfrom higher-up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one inHeaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts thesenator to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friendsand other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They runto greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had whilegetting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golfand then dine on lobster and caviar.

Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a goodtime dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that,before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the doorreopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven."

So 24 hours passwith the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and before herealizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well then,you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity." He reflects for a minute, then the answers: "Well, would neverhave thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would bebetter off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of abarren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends,dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. TheDevil comes over to the senator and lays an arm on his neck."

I don't understand," stammers the senator. Yesterday I was here and therewas a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friendslook miserable. The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we werecampaigning. Today you voted for us!"

VOTE WISELY!!!!

another escape by my chunkee giants...

tonight i was watching the knockout game between sta. lucia and the chunkee giants. the realtors had a very fast start running away with their highest lead of 17 points at the midway point of the second quarter. i was really perspiring while watching the giants struggle in the first half. they had a bit of a spurt there cutting down the lead of sta. lucia to 12 points at the end of the second period.

while waiting for the second half to start i went on for a quick dinner so as not to miss a lot of the action, of course i was also praying for a big giants comeback. as i finished up eating i immediately rushed up to my tv set and was surprised that the realtor's lead was already down to just 4 points. at this point i was very confident that the giants will coast through a big win. and speaking like a true basketball expert my giants went on to demolish the realtors and won by 15 points. unbelievable?... believe it!

and so this chapter ends and the giants will go on and face the phone pals in the quarterfinals. i am just hoping that they will go on and land in the finals to defend their championship. this happens it will only be the first time in 21 years that the all filipino championship will be defended... GO CHUNKEE GIANTS!!!